#but like. one it’s like crazy close to Christmas and even though I personally don’t care about missing Christmas my parents would throw a f

[isdalinarhot]

I wanna get sober. Like, legitimately. I haven’t had a truly good dopamine day in what feels like months and I’m not getting the emotional benefits as much anymore. Plus it’s getting harder to deal w/ the trade offs like It Tastes Bad and It Makes You Nauseous. Basically, it’s time. But like. I don’t have any Cool Healthy New Coping Mechanism to replace it, nor do I have a Fulfilling Life Full Of Purpose to live. Like I’m still gonna be living alone unemployed no friends only social interaction face to face is with my family. So I’m worried I’m setting myself up for failure. Plus the suicidal bullshit has gotten worse as of late and while being drunk hasn’t helped me feel less miserable overall lately, it has gotten me from Actively Suicidal to Passively Suicidal. Which I guess if I was looking at it from the perspective of It Doesn’t Need To Make You Feel Better, It Just Needs To Keep You Alive then all the distress tolerance bullshit from DBT would be useful there but I’m sooooooo rusty on those. In conclusion: augh

[redvdress]

MORE UA HAWKS FOR THE SOUL

PERSISTENT GUY(part 𝐈?)

A/N i’m soo glad you liked ua hawks, so here’s the prequel of persistent guy, and how he (spoiler) didn’t give up on you! i imagined the reader with a shadow quirk and reading you’ll understand why, if that doesn’t match your likes, let’s picture he calls you ‘shadow queen’ because of your introverted and grumpy nature. requests are open so feel free to ask for different reader. part 𝐈𝐈𝐈’s outtt!

The late afternoon sun hung lazily in the sky, casting long shadows across the U.A. High School’s combat training grounds.

You were trying your best to blend into the background, as you often did, your eyes darting around as you assessed the situation.

Hawks, or Takami Keigo as the teachers insisted on calling him, was not doing the same. In fact, Hawks was very much in his element, chatting away with other students, giving them pointers, and flashing that signature grin of his to anyone within eyesight. He had been a rising star in the class since day one, not just for his quirk, but for his energy, confidence, and natural charisma.

But today, his attention was particularly focused on one person—you.

Each student was supposed to demonstrate their quirk against a randomly assigned opponent. You had hoped to go unnoticed, but the fates were not so kind. The teacher’s voice cut through the murmur of the class.

“Alright, yln, you’re up. You’re going against…” He glanced at his clipboard, pausing for dramatic effect. “…Takami Keigo.”

Your eyes flicked up at the mention of Hawks’ name. Of course. It just had to be him.

Across the grounds, Hawks’ expression lit up like it was Christmas morning. He’d been itching to get closer to you for weeks now, and this was a perfect opportunity.

“Guess it’s my lucky day, huh, yln?” he called over to you, already starting to walk towards the center of the training field. His voice was light and teasing, as always, but with a note of genuine excitement behind it. “Finally get to see what the legendary Shadow Queen can do up close.”

You rolled your eyes at the nickname, your annoyance growing. “Don’t call me that,” you muttered under your breath, though you doubted he even heard you.

The other students, curious about the match-up, began to murmur amongst themselves.

“Whoa, yn and Takami? That’s going to be crazy.”

“Hawks is so fast—can she even keep up with him?”

“I’ve seen yln fight before. Her quirk’s no joke.”

“Still… Takami can fly. What’s she going to do about that?”

As the two students faced off, you stood in your usual stance—arms crossed, your eyes sharp and calculating. You weren’t one to show off, preferring to let your quirk do the work. But Hawks… Hawks was all about the spectacle.

“You ready for this, yln?” Hawks asked, stretching out his arms and flaring his wings wide, letting the wind catch them. “Don’t hold back on me. I wanna see what you’ve got.”

Your eyes narrowed. You weren’t one for flashy entrances or playful banter. Your quirk was as much about subtlety as it was power, and you had no intention of giving Hawks the satisfaction of playing into his game.

“I’m not interested in putting on a show for you,” you said bluntly.

“Show?” Hawks chuckled, giving you a playful wink. “Come on, you know you’ve got style. Let’s have some fun with it!”

Before you could respond, the teacher blew the whistle, signaling the start of the match.

Hawks didn’t waste a second. In the blink of an eye, he shot into the air, his wings carrying him high above the field. From above, he could see everything—every shadow, every movement. It was one of the reasons he was such a formidable opponent in combat.

You, on the other hand, didn’t move from your spot. Instead, your body began to melt into the shadow beneath your feet, disappearing entirely into the darkness.

You could feel the cold embrace of the shadows as they carried you across the field, reemerging in a nearby shadow cast by a large tree.

“Oh-ho!” Hawks called from above, already spotting her movement. “You’re gonna have to be quicker than that if you wanna hide from me!”

With a powerful flap of his wings, he shot downward, aiming to close the distance between them in seconds. But you weren’t planning on letting him get that close. With a sharp movement of your hand, the shadows around you rippled and expanded, creating a wall of darkness that rose to meet Hawks mid-air.

He swerved at the last second, narrowly avoiding the wall of shadows with an agile twist of his body. He laughed, exhilarated by the near miss. “Nice! I wasn’t expecting that!”

You stayed silent, your focus entirely on the match. You weren’t here to play games. Your shadows coiled around you like living serpents, ready to strike at a moment’s notice.

Hawks, still flying just above the field, seemed unphased. In fact, he was enjoying himself more than ever.

“Tell you what,” he called out, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. “If I win this, you’ve gotta have lunch with me tomorrow.”

Your eyebrows shot up, your focus momentarily broken. “What?”

“You heard me! Lunch! It’ll be fun!” Hawks grinned, knowing full well how much his suggestion would irritate her. “And hey, if you win, I’ll… I don’t know, I’ll stop bugging you for a whole week.”

“Deal” you said coldly, already plotting your next move. You had no intention of losing.

A small crowd had gathered by now, watching the fight unfold. Some of the students were whispering to each other excitedly.

“Is he seriously asking her out during a match?”

“That’s so like Hawks. He never stops, does he?”

“He’s definitely gonna get her this time. I mean, who could say no to him?”

Among the crowd, a few of the female students looked particularly envious, casting jealous glances toward you.

“I don’t get it. Why’s Takami so obsessed with her? She’s so… distant.”

“Yeah, she’s always by herself. Doesn’t even talk to anyone.”

“Maybe that’s why. He likes a challenge.”

“I’d trade places with her in a second…”

The jealousy was palpable, but you were far too focused to care about the chatter around you.

Back in the training field, Hawks dove toward you again, his wings tucked close to his body for speed. But this time, you were ready. As he closed in, you extended your arm, and the shadows around you surged forward like a tidal wave, forcing Hawks to bank hard to avoid them.

But Kara wasn’t done. The moment he was airborne again, you vanished into the shadows beneath you, reappearing in a completely different part of the field. Your movements were like a ghost’s—unpredictable, silent, and impossible to pin down.

“You’re slippery,” Hawks admitted, coming to a hover high above the field. “But you know what? So am I.”

With a quick flick of his wings, Hawks released several red feathers, each one glowing faintly as it shot downward. They spread out like a net, their tips sharp and precise, aimed to cut off youe escape routes.

But you seemed to be always a step ahead. As the feathers closed in, you dissolved into the shadows once again, dodging each one by reappearing elsewhere.

This back-and-forth continued for several minutes, with Hawks trying to pin you down and you deftly avoiding his every move. The other students watched in awe, impressed by the display of skill from both sides.

“Look at them go,” one of the students murmured. “It’s like they’re dancing.”

“Yeah, except if they mess up, someone’s getting hurt.”

Finally, Hawks decided to go all out. He shot into the sky, gaining as much altitude as possible before diving straight toward you at breakneck speed. His wings flared wide, the wind rushing past him as he descended like a missile.

But you, standing calmly in the shadow of a large building, didn’t flinch. You’d been waiting for this.

Just as Hawks was about to reach you, your shadows expanded outward, enveloping the entire area in a pitch-black dome. Inside, everything was darkness. No light, no sound—just an impenetrable void.

Hawks was momentarily blinded, his sense of direction thrown off. He flapped his wings, trying to regain control, but the shadows were everywhere.

“What the- yn!” he called out, his voice echoing through the darkness. “Alright, you win this round! Just let me out of here!”

A moment later, the shadows receded, revealing you standing in the exact same spot, your arms crossed and a slight smirk playing on your lips.

Hawks landed lightly on the ground in front of you, slightly breathless but still grinning. “Okay, okay. I admit defeat. You’re a tough one to catch, yln.”

You raised an eyebrow. “You think?”

He laughed, shaking his head. “Man, you’re no fun sometimes.”

But there was no malice in his words, just that familiar playful tone. Hawks gave you a sideways look, his smile never faltering. “So, how about that lunch? I mean, you won, but we could still—”

“No,” You cut him off, already walking away. “I don’t do lunch.”

Hawks sighed dramatically, his wings drooping in mock disappointment as he watched you disappear into the shadows once again.

“Can’t blame a guy for trying,” he muttered to himself, still smiling as he turned back to join the rest of the class.

As he did, the other students erupted in chatter once more, speculating about what would happen next between Hawks and you. But one thing was certain: Hawks wasn’t going to give up that easily.

[silencesscreams]

i watched it begin again

james potter x reader (fluff)

warnings: drinking, flirting ?, use of y/n once or twice, sunshine james x grumpy reader, teasing, confessions, use of the L word 🫣, kissinggg, a bit short

a/n: feel like i’ve written too much smut this month… but i might do another fic w the same concept and smut. kind of inspired by begin again by taylor swift.

(james is your mothers best friend’s son, just to sum it up)

-

your family and james’s have been close since always, you’d spend every possible festivity together. ever since you were little kids you did have a crush on him, once you grew up that developed into something else, surely. he was your best friend, but how come you turn bright pink every time he complimented you? how come he hated all the boyfriends you ever had? you hated to admit it but that did keep you up at night sometimes.

once you got into hogwarts, he always stuck by your side. he even introduced you to his friends, who had turned into your best friends because of it. you ended up closer to the girls, always with lily no matter what.

when the years passed by, you and james ended up developing your own traditions for the holidays. now, after you graduated, you and your friends would stay at the potter’s beach house for the new years and christmas. you loved it so much. bunking with the girls, all of you staying in one room, you and lily would always share a bed, sometimes you would sleep with alice or dorcas, but every once in a while you and james would sleep on the couch. and on december 27th, that was the occasion.

that evening it was colder than normal, you all stayed inside and messed around, drinking firewhisky and playing canasta.

you looked at your cards then looked at james, he was biting his upper lip, he always did that when he needed a specific card or was looking at yours, in this case, he was looking at yours.

“you cheater!” you shouted at him, sirius started to laugh, it was probably the fifth time he did that and you just realized now, when it came to james turn he went out, placing all the cards he had on the table.

“james, you’re an awful person to play with” remus laughed, he was paired up with you, he threw his cards on the table.

“i don’t believe you, potter” you looked him dead in the eye, you were very serious about this game.

“im not lying!” he started getting defensive, his ears turning a bit pink.

“james, just empty your pockets” remus glared at him. james hesitantly got up, putting his hands in his pockets and quickly throwing out the cards all over the room,

“YOU WILL NEVER CATCH ME, MOONY!” he shouted, running to his room. james usually got very excited when drunk. remus looked at you, almost begging you to take his place this time.

“i’ll get him” you ran to his room, knowing he was probably hidden behind the bathroom door, you opened it, and so when you went to check for him there was nothing there. you yelped, feeling a pair of hands on your shoulders, james started laughing as you slapped him on the shoulder, playfully.

“you prick!” you shouted out as he went back in the room, walking with his back to the bed, you pushed him onto it and he pulled you onto it, and so you found yourself straddling him, holding his wrists so he couldn’t push you.

“hey” he said, his voice low. his eyes wouldn’t leave yours and you were starting to go crazy, you couldn’t stop looking at him. you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of looking away first, though you did let go of his hands, and as he went to place them on your waist, sirius opened the door, james quickly lowered his hands and you jumped off of him, being sure he had seen it. james cleared his throat, sitting up on the bed.

“uhm, dinners ready” sirius awkwardly said,

“right” james sighed, getting up and offering you a hand

“you guys can go, i’ll just go freshen up really quick” you quickly walked to james’ bathroom, trying to understand why had that made your stomach tighten.

“what was-“ james interrupted sirius,

“dont, really” he said, “dont look at me like that, man, its y/n. she’s my best friend” he whispered, as he was going out of the room.

“whatever you say, mate”

“i’m serious! it couldn’t happen even if i wanted to” he walked with james to the kitchen, they started placing the plates on the table,

“i’m just saying, it didn’t look like it” james rolled his eyes at the comment.

“stop it.” he finally said once you came out of the bathroom. he looked over to you, placing his plate in front of yours, a sweet smile plastered over his face. and then he saw the hoodie you were wearing, that was his.

the drinking kept on going as you all ate dinner, you were starting to get giggly, and the jokes that kept on coming weren’t helping at all. james watched you as you threw your head back laughing, just like a little kid, he couldn’t hide the look on his face.

remus watched him, nudging it so sirius as you smiled back, shyly. they both knew about his little crush, even though he wouldnt dare to admit it.

james had been spending the last 8 months considering that, maybe, love wasn’t for him. but since you and your ex broke up on halloween, his friends saw his spark begin again, and they also could see yours.

the way he could make you smile, how sweet he was next to you, god, you could get cavities just from talking to him. since you were little, people would always comment you both were the perfect duo, you were a grumpy day of rain and he was purely your sunshine.

he could make you laugh when no one else could, you even liked it when he touched you, even if you couldnt stand it with anyone else. sure, maybe the feelings you had would resurfaced every single time he touched you, but what could you do about it?

james felt like he was going crazy. fully crazy, like he should check himself into a mental hospital.

you were wearing his gryffindor hoodie.

you had found it on the beginning of the trip, shoved in the back of his wardrobe,

“can i keep this?” you asked, he quickly nodded,

“i dont feel like it would fit me anymore anyways” james had grown out of it over the years, but somehow it still was so oversized on you. you smiled at that, taking a sip from your firewhisky. james felt like he needed to do something or he would go crazy, you looked so good, he loved it when you wore his clothes. but to be fair, he loved it when you did anything.

his sock covered foot started caressing your calf, and you immediately looked at him, trying not to show any reaction, but the color of your cheeks did throw you under the bus.

“you alright?” dorcas asked, looking at you worriedly.

“yeah, dont worry” you quickly said, trying to ignore the way james was smirking, extending his hand to grab yours. he started cracking your knuckles, and you did hate it when he did that, but you might just let it go that night.

as the night went on, the flirting continued, as you were all in the living room, he casually sat next to you on the couch. which led on to sirius and remus heading out, saying they would get some fresh air. they probably would just make out.

james wrapped his arm around your shoulder, scooching closer to you. maybe it was just the alcohol, but you knew james was incredibly resistant to it and he hadn’t drank that much. maybe it was normal james behavior and you were just overthinking it, yeah, that was probably it.

“what’s up?” he asked, looking at you with those eyes you loved so much.

“nothing” you answered sweetly, smiling awkwardly.

“you sure? you’ve been kinda off these days, doll”

“yeah, no need to worry, james. really, i’m fine.” no you weren’t, but you weren’t going to tell him. especially because he’s the one making you feel weird, or lovey dovey like lily had been saying. he smiled at you.

“alright then” he said lowly, the arm that was wrapped around your shoulders now on your waist. what was he doing?

“gonna grab some snacks, alright?” he said, getting up and flashing you a grin before leaving, you decide you can't help it. anyone's heart would flutter at that smile, that crooked, stupid smile. once he came back, he saw you had turned on the tv, some sort of horror film playing.

“what’s that?” he asked, sitting next to you.

“dunno’, its what’s on” you muttered, taking a chip from the bowl he had brought. as he sat next to you, he placed his hand on your upper thigh, you eyed him, cheeks feeling hot.

“eyes on the screen, hun” he muttered, you quickly turned your head, wondering if he was really doing this.

james wasn't really sure why he was doing it, teasing you like this, keeping one hand on the small of your back or high up on your thigh most of the time. it was kind of like teasing himself, he knew he couldn't have you but with every lingering touch and wandering hand, he just wanted you more.

he watches you, your eyes focused on the screen, cheeks red. plus, your reaction to him was an added bonus. he did enjoy that, especially when you looked so cute with his hoodie. you placed your head on his shoulder, eyes not leaving the screen.

30 minutes to the end of the movie, you were half asleep, james was hugging you from behind and he had his chin on your shoulder to watch the movie, but his attention was more directed to his hand on your thigh. the rest of your friends had already gone to bed, you didn’t even know what time it was.

you were very suddenly fully awake once the main character shouted out with a bloody and guttural scream:

‘PLEASE, SOMEBODY HELP!’

and so you felt it. his lips. on. your. neck. that was probably making you more nervous than the whole movie. his soft, pink lips, giving you light pecks.

you looked over to him, a bit in shock

“sorry. was that alright?” he asked, you could tell he was nervous because of how his eyes would dart all over the room. you quickly nodded a yes, face turning to the tv. And just like that, his lips were on your neck again, giving it soft smooches as his hands hugged your waist. you knew you were fucked once you realized you had never felt so safe in your entire life.

you did try turning around to face him, but he held you firmly

“come on, i’m very interested in this movie, focus, okay?” he said slowly, kissing your neck again. you quickly were back to facing the screen, no questions asked.

once the movie was coming to an end, his kisses got sloppier and you surely couldn’t keep on watching the film because it was making you nervous, so you turned around to hug him and he pressed a kiss on the top of your head.

“i love you, james” you muttered.

“i love you too, sweetheart.” he replied, casually like he always said it.

“no, don’t be like that” your heart was racing, you thought you could faint, hiding your face on the crook of his neck.

“what do you mean?” he asked, a worried look on his face.

“for merlins sake, potter” you sighed.

“for merlins sake what?” you could even hear his smile, you backed away, looking at him as he furrowed his brows.

“james, i’m so in love with you its stupid.”

and just like that, for the first time in your and his existence, james potter didn’t know what to say.

“sorry” you whispered, looking away from him, you were about to tear up when he asked,

“are you still drunk?” and so you shook your head in a ‘no’ motion.

“forget i ever even-“ he cut you off by kissing you. his lips were on yours and he was kissing you. James Fleamont Potter was kissing you.

“i love you so much” he smiled sweetly, you looked away, a shy grin on your face, his hand headed towards your chin, holding it softly so you faced him. “don’t look away.” your stomach did coil at that. “i love you so much its stupid.”

“not as stupid as you.” he chuckled at that as he surged towards you.

james kissed you firmly, surging forwards and making you fall back onto the couch. his right hand on the back of your neck and his left on your waist, his thumb brushing against the exposed skin when his your sweater hiked up.

you feel breathless and shy as your panting noises filled the silence of the room. your eyes meet, a loving smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

and just like that, hes kissing you again.

[fruitywritter]

Two Hearts • | Part 1 |

Part 2

Summary: Things have been rough lately, Christmas are getting closer and you find yourself on top of the astronomy’s tower to clear your head. But who knew that this night you would meet someone so special to you.

Pairing: Hermione Granger x gn!reader

Tw: depression? Fluff

Words: 2.2k

A/n: Last post for the 2023 year, this one was in my drafts and I was planning to write more. I guess now it’s going to be more parts (?) If you guys like it (:

It was late, past midnight for sure. You couldn’t sleep, you weren’t even tired. You just laid there in your bed facing the ceiling. You always had that problem, not being able to sleep, but tonight your insomnia was worse than usual. Also your depressing thoughts didn’t help that much tonight. You would usually read a book or talk with your roommates until you felt tired but this time you knew it wouldn’t work. It was already late and everybody was sleeping. So you decided to do the one thing that you were sure it would work. Going on a walk around the castle.

Even though you didn’t do that very often, you always enjoyed it. Walking through the dark halls of the castle was something comforting to you, it made you feel free and relaxed. Your favourite place was the astronomy tower. Other people would think that it was crazy, walking around all alone in the darkness. But to you, it was comforting, it was the only time of the day that you were really alone. It was the only time where you could think clearly and be alone with your thoughts.

You put on your shoes quickly, grabbing your wand and sweater on the way to the door. Before you exited you pulled the cloth on and took one last glance behind you at your sleeping roommates. You walked quickly through the common room and outside in the hallway. It was kind of chilly out and you were thankful that you took your sweater with you. It was near Christmas days and probably in a few days snow would cover all over the place. Winter was your favourite season, you loved snow and you loved cold weather.

Climbing the stairs to the astronomy’s tower you couldn’t help but think about the holidays. Almost everyone would go back to their families to celebrate, but you. It’s not like you had anyone to go back to. Your friends had already planned going home so you were the only one staying at Hogwarts.

When you finally reached the top of the tower you started walking towards the railing. You looked down at the lake and mountains taking in the view. A soft cough made you turn back, taking in a sight of another person sitting at the steps. How did you not notice that there was already someone there. But then again, nobody usually came there, especially at this late hour. You started walking closer, trying to see who was there, only to be met with a pair of brown eyes. The moonlight shined through them, making them glow. “I’m sorry I didn’t know that there was someone already there..” You apologised to the girl in front of you. She had a book sitting on her lap and her wand on her right hand.

“It’s alright, not many people come here so I was also kind of shocked when I saw you walk up the stairs.” You heard her voice, it was soft and gentle. She had a beautiful voice, an angelic one. You stood there in front of the girl, not knowing what to say as you were at a loss of words. Usually that didn’t happen, but there was something about that girl, it made you nervous. You never really interacted with her, sure you’d hear her talking while in class as you two shared a few classes together, such as potions and charms. But you never introduced yourselves to each other. You realised you hadn’t said anything so you cleared your throat and let a small smile.

“That’s true. I was also shocked to find you up here, I don’t come here often, only when I need some quiet, you know?” You said, beginning to walk towards her. You took a seat beside her, not too far but not too close, you didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.

“Trust me, I know. I come here for the same reason, this place has something unique. I like to read books here, other days I just sit and watch the stars on the sky.” She spoke so quietly, closing her book and slightly turning her body towards you, “I believe we’ve never got to introduce ourselves, I’m Hermione Granger.” She smiled and extended her hand for you to shake.

You happily took it with yours, “That’s a lovely name. I’m Y/n. Y/n Y/l/n.” You nodded with a little smile, of course you knew her last name. You had heard countless times the professors calling her “Miss Granger”. But you’ve never got to know her first name until now and you couldn’t help yourself but to compliment her. Not going to lie, you always had a little crush on her deep down. Even though you’ve never spoke to her, every time she was in the same room you eyes would always find her.

But you never had the courage to go and actually talk to her, you were that much of a coward. You also couldn’t talk about her to your Slytherin friends, since they would probably curse you about her being a Gryffindor and a “mudblood”. You didn’t like that word, it was really offending. As a Slytherin, many would thought that you would be the classic stereotype. You were a pure blood, but you didn’t have any problems with muggleborns. You actually had many friends from other houses that were muggleborns.

You watched as Hermione slightly blushed and tried to hide it. Pulling a strand behind her ear, she smiled. “Y/n, it sounds unique.” At that you let out a laugh, “Oh believe me, it’s not that unique. My parents gave it to me after they read it on a book.. My dad was like a bookworm back in the day as he had told me, I bet he didn’t have to try hard to find a name for his child.” You chuckled, thinking about him was sad. It all happened so fast that you still hadn’t got used to it even after all these years.“I like it.” Hermione giggled as it was time for you to blush. Wow taking a compliment from Hermione was the best feeling.

“So, what were you reading?” You asked, moving closer to her to take a look from the cover of her book.

“Oh that? It’s nothing, just a stupid book I bought last summer. I didn’t get to finish it, I usually only read school books. But I can’t deny it, it’s really good.” She spoke, taking the book in her hands and showing you the familiar cover.

“So you’re like a little bookworm? I already knew that you’re a great student but reading school books only?” You teased her, “that’s a great book by the way, I read it once. The end had me crying for two days, but I won’t be spoiling you anything else.” You added with a chuckle as you playfully bumped your shoulder with hers.

“I’m not a bookworm, I just like reading books and studying. But it’s not like I have my head inside a book the whole time..” She said, trying to act offended but you could she the small smirk on her lips. You muttered a “yeah right.”and she smacked you playfully on your shoulder making you two laugh. After you calmed down she spoke again, “So what made you come up here? You said you needed quiet.” Hermione asked, looking up to your eyes.

“Oh you know, just life..” You sighed, turning away not really knowing what to say. “I couldn’t sleep. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot, I have so many things on my mind and it’s getting kind of crowded in there. So I tend to escape from all of this, even if it is for a bit.”

Thoughts of your dead father and your alcoholic mother who got herself lost came into your mind without your consent. Thinking about the things you could do to avoid all of these shit to happen. You came up here to escape from all of these but here you are now thinking about it.

A soft hand on your shoulder brought you back to the present as you turned on your right, looking at those brown eyes. “I get that, I know it hurts not being able to escape from your thoughts. But if you ever want to talk to somebody, just know that I’m here and I’d love to hear you.” She smiled comforting at you. There was something about her, you couldn’t exactly catch on it but it felt familiar. You found comfort around her.

“Thank you, Hermione.” You tried your best to smile and leaned back against the wall behind you.

“I have to say, I’m surprised..” She spoke suddenly after a few minutes of silence. You turned to look at her, your face full of curiosity. “You’re nice to me, even though you’re a Slytherin and I’m a Gryffindor, our houses hate each other, and here you are being nice towards me.”

“Not all Slytherins are bad, Hermione.. I mean sure, there is a small hate between our houses but I don’t really care about all of these. Those stereotypes about the Slytherins being evil is an absolute lie in my opinion. It’s just the human character.” You sighed, you never hated Gryffindors. It was the opposite actually, you respected them. They were brave and loyal, well the most of them at least.

“Yes I know, I’m sorry I didn’t want it to come out mean. I just thought that you might be like the others. You know, Malfoy, Parkinson and the others. They usually like to call us names and I’m pretty sure they really, really hate us.” Hermione explained.

I nodded in understatement, “Yeah, they like to uh, bully people..” You and Draco were friends the first year, but eventually when you saw how he treated others you confronted him. Nothing changed so you decided to leave, you didn’t support him for that. He would have been a great person if he wasn’t that much of a jerk and a bully. You also almost punched him when you heard him calling Hermione a “mudblood”, Potter was quicker than you as he casted a spell throwing him on the wall behind him. That happened last year but it still made you angry as you imagined how many times Malfoy had bullied the girl beside you. “Hey, I’m sorry for that. They’re jerks for doing that.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to apologise for them. I’m used to it by now.” She said trying to smile but you knew that she pretended to be okay with it. It pained you seeing her like that. You scooted closer, placing your arm around her shoulders and pulling her towards you.

“Got any plans for Christmas holidays?” You asked, trying to change the subject. You started running your thumb over her arm, waiting for her to talk.

“Not really, I’ll just stay here this year. Harry and Ron also decided to stay so we will spent the holidays together.” She mumbled as her head laid on your torso. Hermione liked your touch, it was comforting and warm. “What about you?” She added, looking up to you with those eyes.

“Well, I love spending Christmas at Hogwarts, it’s really beautiful here and peaceful when almost half the school isn’t here..” You chuckled, it wasn’t really a lie. It was just one of the reasons why you stayed. The other one being because even if you went home, there would be no one there. So you preferred not being alone in a house that brought you so much memories.

“Oh well, we can spend it together then!” Hermione said with an excited voice, “if you haven’t already planned with your friends, of course..” She added, feeling a bit of nervousness. What if you didn’t want to?

“Yeah, sure. I’d love to spent it with you. All of my friends will be going home anyways so I wasn’t planning anything.” You said, your voice also expressed excitement as you looked down at Hermione.

She smiled and blushed, probably you did too. You stayed like this for longer, just enjoying the company of one other. Eventually you had to go back to sleep so you two began walking back to your dorms. You offered to walk Hermione to her common room, after her denying it and you saying that you’d love to. You found yourselves making a small talk while walking the nearly dark hallways. Eventually you stopped outside of the fat lady’s portrait, you turned to Hermione who stood there looking at you.

“I had a great night, Hermione. Thank you.” You smiled, watching the brown eyed girl smile back at you.

“No, thank you. I liked your company, you’re really not that boring..” She teased you and you laughed quietly at that.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” You asked with a hopeful voice.

“Definitely.” She confirmed.

“Good night, Hermione.”

“Good night, Y/n.” You watched as she turned around and said the password to the portrait. She then got inside and turned one last time, giving you a smile before she disappeared inside the tunnel. With that you turned and left with a grin on your face. You were tired but you couldn’t stop thinking about her. The moment your head hit the bed you fell immediately asleep, having dreams about that beautiful girl you met today at the astronomy tower.

[ursuburbanmother]

I’m On Fire, But I’m Trying Not to Show It || Chapter Three

Pairing: Angus Tully x fem!reader

a/n: Mothers and daughters?? Fathers and sons?!?

Word Count: ~4k

Find: Part 1 Part 2 Part 4

Enjoy!

December 23, 1970

You’ve been stuck in your own mind all day. It's decided to shut down like a panic room and you can see Angus try to crack it open with his attempts at small talk. Mary and Mr. Hunham share uncomfortable glances at each other, slightly humored about the quiet lunch they are having that would usually be filled by chatter from you two.

Angus leans in close to your ear, “You said we would talk today.”

“After this,” you murmur, sinking into the wooden chair.

“If this is about yesterday, it was just a weird moment, it didn’t mean anything.”

“Stop talking,” you say as nicely as you can when you see Mary's eyebrow quirk up at Angus’s comment.

“I have a surprise,” Mr. Hunham suddenly announces. Your eyes snap to him, embracing the distraction. He brings out a platter full of Christmas cookies and places them on the table. “These were a gift to me, and I would like to share them with both of you.”

Angus is unimpressed and by the way he is scowling, he's upset too. “Look at them. Look at all the festive shapes. Snowflakes and gingerbread men. A tree. A little mitten,” Mr. Hunham picks up the red and white frosted cookie and takes a bite. “Mmm,” he looks pleasantly surprised.

“Thank you, Mister. This is really nice,” You reach for the snowflake. You’re not sure how well sloppy joe and sugar will settle in your stomach but you're willing to gamble on it. Mr. Hunham gives you a thin smile.

“May I go to the bathroom, sir?” Angus asks, already pushing away his dish and getting up from his chair.

“You may,” he sighs, watching the boy walk away.

“Well, I’m trying,” he says to the group, defeated.

You give him a weak grin, “These are good cookies though. If that means anything to you.”

Mary chuckles at your exchange. Mr. Hunham gets up and goes the same direction Angus had exited. Your eyes follow him until it is impossible for you to see him without breaking your neck. You turn to Mary who is close to finishing her cigarette. She blows the smoke away from your direction and pushes the packet towards you.

“Want one?”

“Oh. No thanks. That's Angus’s thing.”

“Alright. But don’t go asking for one later.”

“I won’t,” you laugh quietly. You hear voices in the hallway get louder. Angus shouts something you can’t make out and Mr. Hunham's response follows shortly after. Their noise fades away and you rub your tired eyes to snap you awake. You never could get enough sleep. You swear you could sleep for twenty-four hours and still feel groggy.

“What's going on with you two?” Mary asks.

“Angus and I?”

“No. You and the ghost that haunts the infirmary,” she took a sip of her coffee while shaking her head in amusement.

“My mother says I'm a bit of a blabbermouth. I don’t know if you want to hear the details,” you warn.

“Give me the reader's digest,” she pats the seat next to her. Bringing your coca-cola with you, you go cross over to her side of the table. “Okay. Tell me if you think I’m crazy-”

“I will.”

“-But Angus has been acting so weird. One second, he's all moody, a regular Holden Claufield, and the next he’s nice and being the Angus I’ve known all my life. I don’t know… Maybe he’s at the stage where his feelings swing around like a pendulum.”

“That's all-teenagers sweethearts. Even at adulthood, that pendulum never stops swinging. At some point it may slow down only for a gust of wind to return it into motion.”

“I mean he’s always been a little short-tempered, just never towards me. Yesterday,” you wonder if you are getting too personal now, “he called me selfish.”

“Selfish? The girl that just scarfed down a cookie to make an old man feel better.”

You shrug. You never knew how to take compliments. “I know I should just ask him what's really going on, but I don’t want him to blow up on me again.”

“If he does come to me. I’ll whip him into shape for you.”

“Thank you,” you giggle. “What do you think happened out there?” You tilt you heard towards the doors.

“Their usual bickering. That boy is probably paying the price for cursing Hunham out right now.”

“How long have you known Mr. Hunham?”

She paused before answering, “A while now.”

“Has he always been this… strong-willed?”

“Stubborn as a mule you mean? Yes, he has. Although the years have certainly hardened him more.”

“Why’s that?"

“Not sure. He’s a private man. I haven’t been able to pry anything out of him.”

“Not even when he’s,” you make your hand into a fist, extending the pink and thumb. You move it back and forth to mimic drinking from a bottle.

Mary cackles. “Not even then.”

…

The stupidest thing Angus had done was what he had done to you yesterday. He doesn’t know why he said it, why he had called you selfish. It just tumbled out. It was like he was a man possessed. But launching off a springboard in the gym in an act of rebellion was a close second.

He numbed the pain thinking of you. Granted if you were here, you would be lecturing him non-stop and telling him how he should have known better. But at least you would have been here, and he wouldn’t have to watch Mr. Hunham marinate in his misery. At least you would have been there to hold his hand as they popped his arm back into its socket.

Although his mouth had gotten him in trouble the last few days, it had been helpful in getting them out of the hospital insurance issue. And it was about to get him a free burger now too.

They had arrived at the local watering hole. It was jam packed with people getting tipsy with beer. He could hear the clink of billiards and the white noise on the TV.

“I think I’ll start with a beer. How about you?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Mr. Tully. Get your cheeseburger.”

“They’ve got Miller High Life. The Champagne of Beers.”

“Oh?” Mr. Hunham said, but Angus could tell he was just trying to amuse him.

Angus shut the menu as their waitress came up the stairs to their little booth. “Okay, you ready to order? Oh!” she gasped as she turned to his teacher.

“Miss Crane,” Hunham touched his chest, “As I live and breathe. What-, what are you doing here?”

“Oh hi guys! Yeah, I always pick up a little extra work over Thanksgiving and Christmas,” Miss Crane explained.

It looked as if Mr. Hunham had been snapped awake, “Well, um, this is Mr. Tully,” he motioned his hand towards him.”

“Sure, I know you and your little girlfriend. You two are always glued together like gum on a pole,” Miss Crane said teasingly.

“Y/n L/n," he beamed, "she goes to the girl's school and we’re just friends. But um, we met outside Dr. Woodrup’s office. I was wrongly accused of blowing up a toilet,” he smiled as innocently as he could.

“I didn’t know about the wrongly part,” she shares a laugh with Hunham.

“He’ll have a cheeseburger,” he orders for Angus.

“And a Miller High Life please,” Angus adds quickly.

“Uh. No you will not,” Hunham says sternly.

“Where do you stand on Miller High Life, Miss Crane?”

“Well, like they say, it’s the Champagne of Beers.”

Angus turns to Hunham, “And she’s a professional.”

“Okay, one cheeseburger,” Miss Crane waits for him to fill the blank.

He relents and orders reluctantly, “And a Coke.”

“I’ll have a cheeseburger as well,” Hunham smiled.

“Two cheeseburgers,” she jots down the order on her notepad

“And a Jim Beam. On the rocks. Please.”

“Okay, you got it guys,” She smiles at them before exiting. Paul watches her go and Angus grins at the scene.

“Ouch. You two have chemistry,” he shakes his hand like he had touched a hot plate.

“Okay. That’s the Percodan talking,” Hunham dismisses.

“I don’t know. Seeing her like this, I think she’s pretty attractive,” he hopes his teacher will take the bait.

“Listen, you hormonal vulgarian, that woman deserves your respect, not your erotic speculation.”

Angus resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Well, may I at least go to the bathroom? Sir?”

“You mean the payphone?”

They have a stare off before he runs off to the back of the restaurant. Angus scours any leftover change in his back pocket of his jeans. He finds enough to make a call. He scans the room, making sure that Mr. Hunham isn’t hunting him down like last time. He dials the number to the Barton infirmary and hopes you are lounging in your room.

“Pick up, pick up, pick up,” he chants under his breath. Instead he gets the dial tone. He curses and slams the phone back to its original place.

…

You haven’t seen Angus since the morning. You've been spending all afternoon with Mary instead. You helped with the lunch dishes and are preparing the potatoes for supper later. Mary had a radio in the kitchen which you happily hummed to. Christmas music flooded your ears and reminded you of the holiday. In the halls of Barton there were no decorations, and one could probably convince a kid that the Grinch had stolen them in the dead of night.

“Mary, I'm done,” you proudly show her the bowl of potatoes. In your house most of the cooking was done by private chefs who came in and out so irregularly that you could never learn their names. Understandably, they didn’t have time to entertain a ten-year-olds insistent questions about what it meant to julienne a vegetable.

“Great. Why don’t you start boiling them and get started on chopping those mushrooms.”

“Okay,” you add water to a pot before adding the chomped potato. You find the mushrooms and cut them as thinly as you can. After you place them on the counter next to Mary who has already prepared everything else.

You admire as she adds them to a pan of melted butter. She drops salt, pepper, Italian dressing and other spices you can’t name, without even having to use measuring tools. “You’re Julia Child!” You praise.

“Just years of practice.”

“Hey, when do I get to sauté and mix things?” You get on your tiptoes to get a better look at the mushrooms turning a dark brown.

“When I know you won’t hurt yourself doing it,” she gave a pointed look at the bandaids on your fingers. You may have cut yourself in your first attempts at handling a knife. You hide the hand behind your back. “Sorry.”

You go to sit in a stool by the oven. You open a borrowed copy of a Kerouac book that Angus had in his suitcase. The Subterraneans, written in three days apparently and no offense to Jack but it shows. Mary notices your squinting as you go try to make sense of the writing, inching your face closer and closer to the paper.

“Are you planning to do something with that? The books.” Mary stops her stirring and lowers the heat of the stove. She walks over to you and glances at pages.

“What? Like with writing?” You ask, “I’m not sure. I know I should have figured it out by now but I just never got one of those woosh moments,” you sway your hands in the air.

“Woosh moment?”

“It's like what we talked about with the pendulum. I feel like I've been hanging still and waiting for the wind to send me on my way. I wait for it to push me with the strength of a tornado. Woosh. Almost to flood me with a feeling of knowing? I’m not the best at words…” you trail off.

“You're telling me nothing interests you?” She raised her eyebrow.

“No, a lot of things do. I want to do everything. Right now, for example, I feel like becoming a renowned chef,” you pick up a random bowl and start stirring it slowly.

“Try learning how to handle a knife right first,” she tuts.

“Practice makes perfect Mary,” you smile and look down into the chocolate substance you were messing with. “Cake or brownies?”

“Neither actually. It's more doughy than liquid honey,” she lectures you kindly.

“Right,” you say sheepishly, “I swear I’m smarter when it comes to other things. You should see me in civics class.”

“I believe you,” she winks, “Now get to preheating the oven, Betty Crocker.”

…

Angus goes off to play a game on the Pinball machine and to take his mind off you. It certainly helps him. Avoiding the prospect of getting beat up by locals and injuring another part of his body allows him to momentarily forget the stress he feels when he remembers how pissed you are at him.

Mr. Hunham and Angus eat their burgers quickly. To repay Mr. Hunham for saving his ass, Angus keeps his mouth shut every time he orders a Jim Beam. They leave after Hunham drops a rather generous tip for Miss Crane.

They're walking towards Hunhams car and Angus can’t resist the urge to ask, “Why’d you buy those guys beer? They’re assholes.”

“That’s one way to look at it. Hey. Catch,” he tosses his keys at Angus, who catches them on instinct.

“How many boys do you know who have had their hands blown off? Barton boys don’t go to Vietnam. No, they go to Yale or Dartmouth or Cornell, whether they deserve to or not."

“Except for Curtis Lamb.”

“Except for Curtis Lamb.”

“Were you ever in the military?” Angus’s curiosity peaked.

“I tried to enlist in ‘41, but was rejected,” Mr. Hunham pointed at his eye, as if to say obviously. He tries to unlock the door of the driver's side to no avail. He points towards Angus,“I have to get in through there. Anyways, they made me an air raid warden. Gave me a whistle and everything. Helmet. Arm band.”

Angus opens the door, handing the keys off as Mr. Hunham slides in. He catches a whiff of Mr. Hunham unmentioned scent.

“Before we get going, can I be candid with you?”

“Mm-hmm,”

“You smell,” he states bluntly and Mr. Hunham deflates. Angus joins him inside the Nova, “Like fish. And it’s really noticeable toward the end of the day. I even smell it on your coat. Mind if I crack the window?”

“Trimethylaminuria.”

“Huh?” Angus frowns.

“Trimethylaminuria. Means my body can’t break down trimethylamine. That’s the smell. And, uh, yes, more toward the end of the day.

“Wow. Your whole life? No wonder you’re afraid of women,” he concludes.

“I am not afraid of women,” Hunham says, clearly offended. “Jesus H. Christ.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything. Dr. Gertler says I don’t always give consideration to my audience,” Angus exhales.

“Who’s Dr. Gertler?’’

“My shrink,” Angus wants to disappear.

“Has Dr. Gertler ever tried a swift kick in the ass?”

Angus figures he ought to level the playing field. “Okay, all right, now your turn. Go ahead, tell me something about me. Something negative.”

“Something negative about you?”

“Sure. Just one thing.

“Just one?”

Angus nods and he probably should be offended that he is taking an awful long time to say anything.

“You’re obtuse about your social relationship.”

“What the hell is that supposed mean?”

“You didn’t say I had to elaborate Mr. Tully.”

“Okay well now I want you to. Spit it out.”

“No,” he backs out of his parking spot and hits the road.

“Come on! Explain,” Angus tugs on Hunhams jacket.

“I hope you don’t plan to pester me all the way to Barton. It'll be an awfully long ride.”

He presses down harder on the gas pedal.

…

You had burned the cookies. Not that you could tell when you took a bite of it. The cocoa had disguised it and you had just finished patting your back when you had to spit the whole thing out into the sink. Mary relishes your misery and apologizes through her laughs, wiping the tears in the corner of her eyes.

So your two-course meal had been reduced to just an entree. After thirty minutes of searching and waiting on Angus and Mr. Hunham, you ladies decided to leave the capacious mess hall and have a TV dinner. If your mother could see you now you were sure she would have you arrested by the etiquette police.

Mary was flipping through the channels to tune in to her daily rewatch of the Newlywed Game. You stopped her suddenly, your hand on top of hers to stop her from operating the remote.

“Cactus Flower! I love this movie. Please can we watch it?” You beg, clasping and shaking your hands together.

“What’s it about?” She asks hesitantly, clearly wary about abandoning her favorite program.

“You’ll love it! Ingrid Berman has to pretend to be her boss's wife because he lied to his lover about being married and having kids and shit-,”

“Language.”

“-Sorry. And so now he has to pull off this big con, so she won’t leave his lying as-, butt,” you correct yourself. “Goldie Hawn is sooo good in this. She won an Oscar I think.”

“I supposed I could give it a try. If it bores me we are switching right back though.”

“Deal,” you giggle and scoot the plate balancing on your lap closer so you can dig in.

For the next hour, Mary seems content in watching the characters in the movie ignore and miscommunicate their feelings. Even shaking her head when they do something she finds ridiculous. Your eyes get heavy as the ending nears, your stomach warm and content with the meal you had and the glare of the television tiring your vision. You lean your head back into the couch cushion and close your eyelids. Distantly you hear Ingrid Berman and Walter Matthau confess their love before your world goes dark.

Slumped against Mary, you wake up for the second time that week by the same hands. Angus is shaking your shoulder gently. Your gaze falls immediately to the sling his arm is in.

“Angus! What the hell?” You whisper- shout, fixing your posture and wiping the potential drool off your face. You check to make sure you didn’t wake up Mary.

“It's okay, it's okay,” he reassures. “It’s not broken, or anything just dislocated.”

“What happened?’’ Your arm trails down from where the sling starts to where his hand hangs lazily out. "Is this why you weren’t at dinner tonight? Hunham too?”

“Uh yeah. I jumped off a springboard in the new gym,” he answers bashfully.

“Wow… you are so stupid sometimes.”

“I prefer spontaneous thank you,” he sits down next to you on the couch and lets out a sigh. Using his good arm, he lifts a plastic bag. “We went out to eat and I got you something.”

“Ooh,” You snatch the bag and open it as quietly as you can without crinkling the plastic. Inside the Styrofoam box there's a half-eaten burger with some cold fries. You snack on it anyway offering some to Angus who shakes his head.

“Mr. Hunham thought buying another would be wasteful. He assumed you and Mary would have probably eaten by then so I saved what I could.”

“We did and,” you motion to the plates, “I helped cook it!”

“Really?” Angus's eyes widened, “I’m sorry I missed it.”

“I saved you some cookies,” You pick up the dish of the burnt dessert. You have brought them over believing you had been exaggerating the taste.

You hadn't.

He takes one, clueless, and bites almost half the cookie off. You see him wince but still he continues to chew. He chokes it down and nods, “Not bad?”

“You’re such a liar,” you shove his head lightly. “I forgot to turn on the timer.”

“Yeah I can tell,” he takes your confession as his cue to spit the rest out into a nearby napkin.

“Thanks for this though,” you take a bite of the burger, “I had forgotten what fast food tasted like.”

“Don’t tell him I let you have it. Or that you saw me in fact. The whole arm thing is supposed to be secret.”

“Got it,” you extended your pinky for him to intertwine. He takes it but doesn’t remove his pinky after, instead he lets your connected hands fall between the both of you.

The TV is still on, except the volume is lower and an old black-and-white movie is on. You finish the burger and put the trash aside to throw away in the morning.

“Where is Mr. Hunham now?”

“Crashed as soon as his head hit the pillow.”

“So you want to talk now?” You look up at him.

“Umm, somewhere private though. Incase Mary wakes up,” he gets up, still connected to you by your fingers and pulls you alongside him. You pick up a discarded blanket along with you

“Okay. Where do you want to go?”

He walks you two out of the staff common room and you let him take the lead. Barton is cold even without all the large windows closed. It’s like walking through a haunted mansion, passing by old dusty trophy cases and pictures of past alumni. When you enter what you recognize to be the auditorium, thanks to the plaque next to the door, Angus strolls you two over to the stage. You sit on the piano bench and when he joins you, you cover him with your blanket.

You hear Angus let out a shaky breath and then see the winter air turn it into a small cloud of smoke.

Angus starts to speak, a tremble in his voice, “You’re the only person who thinks of me first know? Even when we were little, and we had a free pass to be totally self-centered you still never-. Like in middle school when you’d give me biology answers, or just now with the blanket! I have a jacket! I should be giving you the entire blanket. In fact, let me give you -, your just-.”

“It’s alright Angus,” you stop his rapid rambling, holding his face between your hands. “I already forgave you a long time ago.”

“Didn’t feel like it,” he chuckles, trying to divert his gaze but the soft hold you have on him keeps him still.

“I forgave you the second you walked in looking like a kicked puppy.”

He laughs at your words.

“Although I just want to ask what has been going on with you? I know you hate school and you're not incredibly fond of Stanely marrying your mom, but I feel like something has been bothering you. Something big.”

“I need to go to Boston Y/n,” he admits, hitting some random piano keys. The notes echo around the room.

“Okay,” you bite the inside of your cheek, “why?”

“It's snowing outside but it doesn’t feel like Christmas. But my dad, he would make it feel that way. So I need to see him and my mom had promised but you see how that turned out.”

“Oh Angus. This is why you kept bringing it up,” you gasp. “Jesus. And I had called you stupid, I’m the dense one for not connecting the dots.”

“No no. You’re not. I was being evasive. I guess I didn’t want you to worry.”

“I would have stolen Jason Smith's car keys had I known! We could be there by now, eating Clam Chowder by the bay. ”

“Nuh-uh. You’re way too of a goody-two shoe for that.”

“Well I would have followed you. Given an hour's notice, of course, to build my confidence.”

“I don't know,” Angus hits a few more keys, “Maybe this was fate like you said. It definitely didn’t deal me a cruel hand having me holdover here with you.”

“Yeah, the universe was certainly on our side for this one,” you move closer to him and put your head on his shoulder. “Hey, you think you can still play even with only one working hand?”

“I’m willing to try it,” he stretches his fingers, “What shall I serenade you with?”

“Something Beach Boys. In My Room?”

“You got it L/n.”

He plays much slower and his jaw is sharp, fully determined to get through the song for your enjoyment. He plays so gracefully you don’t even notice when he slips on occasion. You don’t mind it. It’s almost as sweet as a lullaby.

[baronessblixen]

Fictober Day 5: A New Beginning

Prompt: "It's a new day, let's go"

After their New Year's kiss, Mulder is ready to start the new day and their new life. Scully on the other hand? Would like some sleep. Rating: T, wc: 1,030

Tagging @today-in-fic @xfficchallenges

“It’s a new day,” Mulder’s voice echoes from somewhere close, “let’s go.” All Scully can do is groan; it’s entirely too early for words. The sun, she thinks, is still hiding, too. And that’s exactly what she’s planning on doing, too. Five more minutes is all she needs.

“You said that five minutes ago.” Minty puffs of air hit her cheek and she’s reminded of her dog Queequeg, though his breath never smelled this good.

“Didn’t,” she says into the pillow, her eyes still firmly closed. If she doesn’t open them, she can pretend she’s still sleeping. This is nothing more than a dream. After all, Mulder stars in most of them. The number of times she’s woken up after dreaming about Mulder and his mouth is outrageous.

“You did.” In her dreams, though, his mouth is usually otherwise occupied. They don’t talk much then. Or at least he doesn’t. She sighs, smiling as she remembers a particularly nice one from a few nights ago when she was missing him at Christmas.

“I heard that.” His voice is warm and so very close. She leans in, craving his closeness, figuring that after last night, she is allowed to indulge. They did, after all, sleep together for the first time. Sleep was all they did, however. Doctor’s orders. Mulder’s arm needs to heal until he’s allowed more strenuous activities. He pouted and she has to admit she almost gave in, but she knows how he gets, and she doesn’t want to risk it. Selfishly, she wants their first time to be when Mulder is capable of using both his arms.

“Mulder, the new day just started,” she mumbles into her pillow.

“Not just a day new day, Scully. A whole new year and anyway, I’m awake.”

“Why? We went to bed late.” It was long after midnight when they finally got here. Helping Mulder with his sling, stealing a few kisses here and there, didn’t help. Neither did Mulder’s stomach grumble so loudly that they shared a plate of scrambled eggs at 2 a.m. before Scully took his hand and led him into her bedroom.

It had been dark, but Mulder’s expression, even with painkillers running through his system, was solemn. This was a big step for them. He had made the first one when he kissed her in public at midnight. She was making the next one. The final one, she figured, they’d take together. Once Mulder was fully healed and not a second sooner (but also not a second later).

“I know you’re not a morning person,” he says softly, and all her exasperation just vanishes. This is the man she’s been in love with for longer than she cares to admit. She cracks open an eye and he might be a bit blurry, but there he is next to her with a big, toothy smile and spiky hair. His happiness is contagious.

“I started making coffee,” he says, pressing the softest kiss on the corner of her mouth.

“Mulder, morning breath,” she complains.

“I brushed my teeth.”

“But I didn’t.”

“I don’t care, Scully. You’re delicious either way.” She laughs at this, feeling freer than she has in a long time. Her laughter dies down, but a soft smile remains on her face, mirroring Mulder’s. Who, quite frankly, looks drugged.

“Have you taken your painkillers yet?” she asks him, her hand on his arm, gently stroking it. He shakes his head.

“Wanted to see you wake up.” He smiles sheepishly at her, making her want to kiss him again and again.

“In how much pain are you?”

“Right now? None. I’m looking at you.” Any other time, she might have rolled her eyes or call him crazy, but he’s so serious, so earnest.

“You still need to take them, though, all right?” He nods at her.

“Doing everything you say, Dr. Scully.”

“Since when?”

“Since last night.” Another toothy grin and she finds she can’t get enough of them. She can’t get enough of Mulder. Being woken up like this – even if it’s too early, even if she does not want to get up just yet – is preferable to him calling her in the middle of the night, saying she needs to get ready for a case in the middle of nowhere.

“Is that your New Year’s resolution?” she asks, scooting even closer to him. Soon, she’ll be lying on top of him. Somehow she thinks he wouldn’t even mind. His shoulder, however, might.

“I want that shoulder to heal as quickly as possible. I have plans.”

“Do you?” He nods, not taking his eyes off of her. He leans closer and captures her lips in a short, but thorough kiss.

“Morning breath, Mulder,” Scully repeated, winded. “Again, I don’t care. I couldn’t wait to wake up and kiss you again. Well, I couldn’t wait for you to wake up. You took your sweet time.”

“Some of us need more than four hours a night.”

“So, breakfast is out of the question? Last night you’d say we should go visit your mom today.” ‘We’. That simple word warms her heart. And he had listened to her.

“We should,” she says softly. “She’s going to be happy, seeing you.”

“Even with this?” He points at his arm still in its sling. “And this?” He gently touches the abrasions on her throat that she’d forgotten about.

“That’s what turtlenecks are for.”

“Happy to know you own turtlenecks.” He waggles his eyebrows at her.

“We don’t have time to discuss possible uses of turtlenecks if you’re serious about getting breakfast and visiting my mom.”

“We could save time showering together?”

“No shower for you today.”

“Do you think your mom will still accept me when I stink?”

“She loves you,” Scully says, stretching. Mulder’s eyes follow her every movement, hoping to catch a glimpse of naked skin. “Let’s get you your painkillers and then we’ll see what happens today, okay?”

“Can I get a kiss with my painkillers?” Scully bites her lip to stop another smile.

“If you let me brush my teeth first.”

He lets her; it's not just a new day, she realizes, but a whole new beginning.

[justtosealmyfate1]

HP, the press and what is means to be a celebrity: meta

One of my favorite topics is the media and how that would play out in the Potters’ lives post-war. I touch upon this in the reaction to Albus and Scorpius getting together. There’s a media whirlwind after the photos of the two of them kissing are released. 

(this is about my fic, the fates, which is about when Albus and Scorpius’ relationship is found out.)

A lot of HP fics take the tone of “the media is so intrusive and ruining everyone’s life” which is fair to an extent, and also the precedent JKR set with Rita Skeeter’s character in the original books. She’s clearly a parody of British tabloid writers. Celebrity is also explored differently across fics. In the books, Harry is very famous, and a politically important figure. He’s always in the newspaper! The Minister of Magic is coming to his Christmas dinner to court him! This notoriety would only grow after he defeats Voldemort. I see Harry as (this sounds so dramatic for talking about a fictional character) an Obama, Nelson Mandela, Malala type of celebrity. A political figure, a hero, a survivor but also a mainstay in popular culture. Plus, he’s married to an attractive Quidditch player, and I’m sure they captivate the world with their Posh and Becks, Taylor and Travis type love. This is all to say that I think the Potters are megacelebrities, and Albus is a celebrity child who would reap the rewards and face the consequences of that. 

The American media landscape (while of course not without its flaws) is very different from the British media landscape, particularly the tabloids. British tabloids are crazy. It’s brutal. The Daily Mail is a disgrace to journalism. I think this culture would also bleed into Wizarding media. 

However!!...the relationship between celebrities and celebrity media is symbiotic. The “royal reporters” at the Daily Mail aren’t actually doing any journalistic work (even though they should be… like tell me what the fuck is going on with Kate Middleton), they’re being fed stories by the palace. This absolutely happens in the US too. Publicists will feed stories to friendlier publications, like People. When “a source close to Taylor Swift” is telling Entertainment Tonight exclusively that Taylor and Joe Alwyn broke up, it’s her publicist. 

What does this mean for the Potters? Well, they absolutely need a publicist, they need to be working with a PR team and they need a media strategy. It’s funny to think about that in the context of the books, but that dynamic was seen in the Order of the Phoenix. Harry’s “PR team” of Hermione and Luna got Rita Skeeter to write a story about Voldemort’s return. That’s political news, not celebrity gossip, but it shows that Harry knows how to use the media to get what he wants. While I don’t think as an adult he’d be doing the Wired Autocomplete interviews, he’d know how to navigate the press to further his agenda and protect his family’s image. 

I think the Potter children would be pretty protected from the press. Rita Skeeter wrote in her 2014 Quidditch World Cup article that the Potters are wizarding royalty, which informs my opinion of how the mechanisms of their celebrity would play out. I wrote in the fates that Harry and Ginny release curated photos of their children in exchange for not taking paparazzi photos of them, a la the royal family. While Harry is more of a statesman-like celebrity, who has a carefully crafted image and is more likely to be seen at charity events, diplomatic summits and ceremonies, Ginny is different. As a Quidditch player she’s more of a traditional celebrity. She’s canonically popular but a guarded person. She strikes me as the type of celebrity who masterfully makes you think you know her, but you actually know nothing at all. 

As for the kids, I think there would be a lot of media attention and interest in them. Would they lean into that, like North West, or shy away from it? I think they’d shy away from it, especially Albus. I think James would be more open to press attention. 

The three press stories I wrote for the fates all reflect different types of celebrity news. There’s the traditional, factual Daily Prophet article, the Daily Prophet opinion piece, and the Simmering Cauldron radio show. The Simmering Cauldron is entirely based on Wendy Williams. Don’t tell me she wouldn’t do something exactly like that! The DP article is expository, and then the opinion piece is meant to showcase the discourse surrounding their relationship. 

There’s a whole debate to be had about how celebrity children should be treated and the role of celebrities in our culture in general, and Albus and Scorpius are great vehicles to explore this.

[akehoshimystar]

Kiho's Personal Story

Roka: To this wonderful night... Cheers!!

Kiho: Cheers.

Roka: Mika!

Takeru: Sure, sure.

Roka: Fufu... Fufufu.

………

Flap

Kiho: Oh.

Roka: Zzzzz…..

Takeru & Kiho: ……..

After saying a toast for countless times, Roka slumped against the counter with a smile on his face. I looked at him for a few seconds. I caught sight of Mika behind the counter, and we both laughed and said, “Good work”.

Takeru: As always, the way he fell asleep is just like a baby. He was noisy until the very end.

Kiho: I thought he’d ask for another round of fortune telling. He ran out of energy now.

Takeru: Seems like he played putter golf with Shinobu and others on the rooftop during the day. He must have been pretty tired from the start.

Kiho: The rooftop here?

Takeru: Yeah. He bought a toy set from somewhere, and was playing in the office at first, but Ai-chan kicked him out.

Kiho: Must have been tough for Ai.

I took the glass, which is now filled with nothing but ice, from Roka’s hand and handed it to Mika.

Takeru: Thanks. What about you, Kiho?

Kiho: I don’t mind if we call it a day now…... But let’s see…. Can I have just one more drink?

Takeru: Of course. I’m about to start cleaning up now, but don't worry about me. Just take your time and drink.

Mika gracefully poured me some Ginjo and began closing up the bar as previously declared. As I watched him while enjoying my last drink of the day… I heard a muffled voice next to me.

Roka: ...I’ve come up with a great idea...

Kiho: What is it?

Roka: Nagashi somen for Christmas.

Kiho: We already did that last year. Water got all over the floor and Urara scolded us like we have just killed someone. We learned it hard way, didn’t we?

Roka: Fufu... Nghnnnn...

Takeru: Seriously, you’re way too sociable. Why bother replying when he’s already in his dreamworld?

Kiho: To my surprise, he can remember things when I ask him later. Maybe his brain is still up and awake.

Takeru: Even if that's the case, when I see you two together, I still feel strange.

Kiho: What’s strange about it?

Takeru: Who would have thought that you two would become such good friends for this long?

I gulped down the chilled sake in my mouth. And laughed lightly at what Mika said while he was polishing the sink.

Kiho: Mika, didn’t you say the same thing in the past?

Takeru: Oh, really? Well, I've been thinking about it for quite some time now.

I do understand why Roka is attached to Kiho, but Kiho also accepted him and that's why we’re where we are now.

I can’t guess at all what would lead you guys to this point.

Kiho: Accept him? I don't mean to act like I was playing hard-to-get.

Takeru: I think it's difficult for you not to act that way when that’s what you are. Well, not that I care.

Back then… Kyoya, Sei, Shizuka, Mao... Not sure if I should say this, but didn’t Kiho like hanging out with that kind of people?

Kiho: Interesting conclusion you’ve reached there. Well, if I were to sit next to someone on a long trip, I'd prefer someone among that list.

Takeru: I know right. In fact, I've never seen Kiho close the distance with someone crazy like Roka. That's why I find it very strange.

Even if he was one-sidedly attached to you and you found him annoying, you could have dealt with him however you wanted, but you didn't.

Kiho: Dealing with him?

Takeru: Smiling while giving him a cold shoulder. You're good at that, aren’t you?

Kiho: Oh. Now you’re slandering me.

Takeru: Who said I did? I don't think you have to worry about it, though.

Kiho: Haha.

I see... So that's how Mika sees us.

Then, I could say the same. The fact that Roka got attached to me is certainly strange.

Takeru: Maybe it’s not rocket science at all. Perhaps, it’s simply admiration.

Because Kiho has a lot of things that Roka doesn't have and wants.

Kiho: ...I'd be honored if that's the case.

Takeru: It's like crying for the moon. I think it's more or less a feeling that arises when people interact with each other.

Well, it's not every day that you find someone as dynamic as Roka. “A calm, intelligent leader who is respected by everyone”

Kiho: Haha. I feel bad for Roka, but I can't imagine that at all.

Takeru: I kind of agree. However, if I have such a dynamic idiot close by….

I might be able to think it's silly to worry about such trivial things like having high expectations or wishing for things that will never come true.

Kiho: …….

He makes me think that everyone can want what they want, step forward, reach out and grab it. I think anyone with self-strict personality would feel comfortable around Roka. There's a level of force and carefree attitude that allows you to surrender yourself to him.

Takeru: Unexpectedly, he can save the day.

Looking at Mika, who suddenly stopped and looked at Roka with gentle eyes, I thought to myself he is also one of the people Roka has "forgiven".

Kiho: (Crying for the moon, huh?)

Kiho: ......It hurts.

Takeru: Huh?

Kiho: Ah... Sorry. I’m just talking nonsense. My head just hurt for a moment.

Takeru: Oh no, are you okay? You still have that migraine after all.

Kiho: No, I probably just drank too much and got a little carried away today.

Thanks for the drink. I'll take Roka home.

Takeru: Just sit down for a bit. I'll call Shinobu now.

Today he went to the dormitory to clean Shizuka's house. After that, he would be drinking with Soyogu and others, but I think they should start talking about leaving now.

If he comes over here and I tell him he can take a taxi home with Roka, he’ll be happy to come and pick him up for sure.

Kiho: He’s drunk as a skunk and a bit of a pain right now, are you sure?

Takeru: That kid is probably drunk too. Here! Drink this and wait.

Kiho: Thank you.

After quickly handing me a glass of water, Mika went down to the staff room.

Kiho: (.…I ended up making him worried. I should have made a different excuse.)

(I can't think straight at all. I'm really a little drunk tonight.)

Roka: …….

Kiho: ……

I stared at the back of Roka’s head, motionless and as quiet as a dead body. I vaguely thought that it's been a long time seeing that his hair has gotten this long. I couldn’t really remember how short his hair was when we first met.

Roka: Hey, Misumi. I'm thinking of growing my hair out too, is that okay?

Why? There's only one reason. I want to be cool like you!

Not just as a host. As a human being, too.

Kiho: (.….Idiot.)

He has had something special from the beginning, but only he himself doesn’t know its value. Without realizing it, he chased after someone else, harboring unnecessary admiration. He's stupidly pure, he tries his best, and he loves people. There’s just no way anyone can hate him. He's the kind of person who is destined to be loved.

Kiho: It's not that I didn't reject him. I just couldn't, Mika.

I murmured the words I hadn't said earlier to the empty counter. I could see it from the moment we first met. If I had negative feelings about “this”, it would be the end. So I accepted him, and I won't reject him even in the future. If no one can see your true feelings, it's the same as not being there.

Kiho: (That's why….. You'll probably never know for the rest of your life.)

I reached out for the card I'd put aside in the corner. And flipped it over and saw what’s on it. I couldn't help but let out a dry laugh, which made Roka flinched. I find a tip of his hair swaying like a tail annoying for some reason, so I chuckled.

Kiho: Get up. Time to head home, Roka.

…….If I hate you, I’ll be swept away for sure.

[imnotoverlyobsessive]

Moodboard by @softhecreator

Don’t Blame My English Blood For This American Heartache

Chapter Eight: I’m Always Touched By Your Presence, My Dear

AO3 info prologue one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve

All my work is 18+.

I throw my head back, heart under attack. Straight through the chest, like a thunderclap... You can burn too bright to see. With all the lights out, the shadow of a doubt; it’s funny what you find when you go without. So keep the lights down low, keep the lights down low to see. I see... a glimmer of us.- Marianas Trench, Glimmer

Friday, December 7th, 1984

Hogwarts

Scotland

It was honestly such bullshit that Hogwarts’ winter break (or the Christmas holidays, as they said, which irritated her, but it was certainly an apt name) started the last day of Hanukkah. Like, literally the last day. That had very much always been the case in the schools she’d attended, but it was still annoying. At least Hogwarts wasn’t as Christian-centered as her previous schools. It still didn’t occur to anyone that she was Jewish and didn’t celebrate Christmas, but that was better than them assuming she was Christian.

Still, though, this was her first Hanukkah without her parents, her first one away from home. She didn’t even have a menorah.

They’d always lit the candles in front of their small fireplace, and when she was little, her father used to lift her up and let her light them herself.

Everything that had happened the past few months had pushed thoughts of her parents from her mind, for the most part, but the memories were difficult for her to handle. Had they ever actually loved her? She honestly didn’t know.

She was alone in the Ravenclaw common room, as everyone else had gone off to the library or to play in the snow, so she was curled up in an armchair, staring moodily into the fireplace, when the door opened.

“Ah, Miss Malfoy,” came Mr. Flitwick’s high-pitched voice.

She turned to look at him and smiled politely. “Good evening, sir.”

“Good evening!” he said cheerily. “I have a bit of a gift for you, actually.”

She stood, the long woolen socks she had on keeping her feet warm from the stone floors. “For me?”

“Indeed,” the teacher confirmed with a bright smile. “Special permission, you know.” He leaned forward a bit conspiratorially. “Spoke to Professor Dumbledore myself about it.”

“O… kay…?” She was very confused.

Mr. Flitwick only smiled and, with a wave of his wand, opened the door to the common room.

And in walked Regulus fucking Black.

Sera tripped over her feet as she stumbled towards him, she was so surprised. She barely even noticed he was holding a box in his hands, which he quickly set on a nearby table before taking her in his arms.

“And with that,” Mr. Flitwick said, “I shall take my leave. It may be best if you finish up here before your housemates return, Miss Malfoy.”

Sera pulled away from Regulus with a blush and nodded at her teacher as she left. 

As soon as the door was closed, Sera wound her arms around Regulus’ neck and pulled him down for a kiss. He smiled against her lips, running a hand over her back.

“What’re you doing here?” she breathed, her mouth brushing his as she spoke.

“I can’t give you a Christmas gift, so I decided to give you Hanukkah gifts instead,” he explained quietly.

Sera grimaced. “I can’t really celebrate it,” she admitted. “I don’t have a—“

He gestured to the box. “Open it.”

She frowned, glancing at the table, before shrugging and moving to open it. 

Inside was a large menorah made out of metal that was crazy elaborate. It looked like it was supposed to be fashioned after a temple; columns flanked the Ten Commandments, there were eight ‘lamps’ meant to be used for candles, and two lions were on either side of a plaque at the top. She’d never seen anything like it.

“You… you got me a menorah?” she asked, dazed. “A rich person menorah?”

He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin atop her head. “You’ve been so sad since the month began,” he pointed out. “I thought that since you can’t celebrate the way you’ve always done, I could make it a little better.”

She leaned back against his chest. “I need candles, y’know.”

He kissed the top of her head. “They’re in the box, love.”

She stared at the menorah. “I’ve never done it on my own before.”

His arms tightened around her. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“Huh?”

“I… may have learned the blessing,” he admitted, sounding embarrassed. When she was silent, he hastily added, “I wanted to make you happy, and, well—“

She turned around in his arms abruptly and cut him off with a kiss. “Thank you,” she murmured. 

Regulus smiled.

Later, after the blessings (during which he had read the words off a sheet of paper and followed along with the melody to the best of his ability), Sera lit the first candle. Glancing over at him, she caught him staring at her.

She wasn’t entirely sure what it was that made it click in her mind, but it probably had something to do with how thoughtful he was being, how hard he was trying to make her happy. And then, with the warmth that filled her chest and permeated throughout her entire being at the way he was looking at her, she understood all at once.

Fuck. I’m in love with him.

Very short chapter this time around, and I’m sorry to say that this is everything I’ve got written so far. Please be patient with me 💗

Beta’d by the wonderful @lilmaymayy 💗

Tag list:

@ellamaianderson @shika1200 @blackqueenstarseed1 @gatoenlaciudad @esmaada @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @softhecreator @timolaurence @timmymyluv @oddlyenoughiamweird @leecrunchybones @s-we-e-t-t-ea @almostg @leespparker @bubblebuttwade @glizzymcguirex @starberry-cake @camille-1019 @lixzey @shycreationdreamland @gossamer19

To be added, please ask 💗

[saywhatjessie]

Are You Listenin'?

Advent Calendar Day 22 (prompts by @raven-cincaide-words) Today’s prompts: Gift wrapping | Family | Disappointments Fandom: Red, White, & Royal Blue - Pairing: Firstprince .8k[Ao3]

Alex was sitting on the floor, scrolling through his phone, when Henry found him.

He felt Henry’s lips on the back of his neck and smiled leaning back a bit into his hold. “Hey, sweetheart.”

Henry hummed, lowering himself to the floor behind Alex and scooching forward so Alex was sitting directly between his legs. He wrapped his arms around Alex’s middle. “Did you get distracted again, darling?”

Alex looked up, his eyes looking over the floor. Oh, right, he’d been wrapping presents. That’s why he was on the floor.

“Oh, Ugh.” He leaned back against Henry’s chest. “Yeah. I haven’t decided if I’m gonna finish or not.”

“You only have one left.”

“Yeah, and it’s the present for my Auntie Nina, who just texted me and told me she wouldn’t be getting anything for me this year,” Alex told him, rolling his eyes. “So I’m deciding if I even want to give her this bullshit cruelty free coffee I ordered for her. I could keep it. I should keep it! It’s good coffee!”

Henry kissed behind his ear. “We’re making the transition to tea, love.”

“Ugh, right.” Alex scrunched his face. “The company also does tea. We should order tea for ourselves.”

“Sure,” Henry agreed easily. “But tell me about your Aunt first. Why wouldn’t you give her the gift you bought her? Because she’s not getting you a present? That’s rather petty.”

“No, okay, listen,” Alex pulled away a bit, turning his body so he could look at Henry. “This is my godmother. She’s my mom’s first cousin and was there for my baptism and everything. We used to be real fucking close when we lived in Texas but then we got older and moved to DC and she got caught up in her own kids and what ever but as soon as the story broke about me and you she started getting so weird! Like she decided she would start giving me Christmas presents as a godmother even though we never did that before and the gifts were always like ‘Just because we disagree doesn’t mean I don’t love you.’ or like rainbow ally shirts talking about not hating people you love. Like it got weird – me being bi made her relationship with me so weird and she’s been pulling away for a while, even refusing my mom’s invited for family gatherings and stuff like I couldn’t tell you the last time I even saw her. But I’ve gotten her presents back for the last few years and I figured if she wanted to hold this up as a sign that she was still there for me or whatever then, sure! I’ll participate!”

Alex groaned, throwing his hand to gesture at his phone. “But now she’s telling me she can’t get me a gift and it doesn’t make her love me any less but last year she got me socks with quirky phrases on them. Like what does can’t mean? Can’t even drop five bucks on a thrift store mug? Like what the fuck?!?!”

Henry had taken up rubbing his hand comfortingly over Alex’s back as he rampaged. Alex took a deep breath and tilted his head against Henry’s temple.

“She threatened me a few years ago,” Alex told him. “She was having weird problems with her sisters not like her new boyfriend and she took it out on us and when I said something she lunged at me. And she never apologized.”

Henry hummed, dropping his face to lay a kiss on Alex’s shoulder.

Alex took another breath, the exhale coming out on a sigh.

He loved Henry so much. Loved that Henry was letting him work this out. That Henry wasn’t asking questions or trying to convince Alex to be the better person. He’s been good about crazy family stuff since that first Christmas. That first phone call, way back before they were anything. And Alex was so lucky to have him.

It was just disappointing. How relationships could fall apart. How people who made you trust them when you were a child show you how little they prioritize you as an adult.

Relationships change. He had other priorities now, too.

He turned his body again, kicking his leg over Henry’s so he was turned fully in his lap, chest to chest, and dropped his face into Henry’s shoulder.

“I’ll give her the present,” Alex told him, his voice muffled into Henry’s skin. “But I’m gonna do a really shitty job wrapping it.”

Henry hummed again, kissing the shell of Alex’s ear.

[dontcallpanic]

Um Sorry, I kinda picked picked alot.

5. 13. 15. 16. 28. 33. 39. 52. 53. 63. 66. 69. 70. 71. 84. 85. 94. 95. 98.

5. 13. 15. 16. 28. 33. 39. 52. 53. 63. 66. 69. 70. 71. 84. 85. 94. 95. 98

Waaaaa thank you so much! Diolch yn fawr iwan!! <3

I’m honestly flattered that you’re asking so many questions! You are So lovely and So kind! Thank you for not leaving me hanging! Since it’ll be a long one (buckle up) I’ll do my best to make it entertaining.

Note – I use sarcasm a lot which doesn’t translate via text very well (especially when the tone for everything else is earnest) so if something looks or sounds hinky assume it’s meant sarcastically.

5. What is your favorite color?

Blue – any kind of blue but particularly that strange stormy grey blue.

13. What Talents do you have

Well, honestly, my main talent is the ability to turn any object, or flat surface, into something lethal. I am ridiculously clumsy, accident prone and cause chaos wherever I go. I’m also really good at finding things – If someone is missing something I can usually tell them where it is maybe 8 times out of 10.

I can play music by ear – if I hear a tune I can hash it out on most instruments. I am exceptionally mediocre at the violin, terrible at piano and determined to learn the guitar.

Typical talent wise the only one I’m happy to say out loud is (like everyone else in Wales) I can sing. For everything else (writing, music, art etc.) I can do them but yeah… mostly the results are woeful!

15. Favorite song?

I really hate to be that person but there are too many. I even tried going through my playlists to pick out the ones I love and now I have a new playlist that is 200 songs long – and I still have two big playlists to go. I LOVE music.

I am happy for people to like send me a genre or theme though and I will always rec songs that I think fit! I like to think I have a song for every occasion (happy to be proved wrong!)

16. Favorite movie?

I have Favourite movies based on like… themes so uh…

My favourite cosy movie is Howls Moving Castle

I watch My Neighbour Totoro when I’m ill

Practical Magic and Nightmare before Christmas for Halloween

I watch Lord of the Rings… well anytime to be honest, I don’t need an excuse for that one

My favourite stupid 80s movies are Ghostbusters and Blues Brothers

My favourite spooky horror is Blair Witch Project

You get the idea – I’ll watch anything though! I love to keep an open mind and be surprised.

28. What type of music do you like?

I LOVE music so much. I am crazy passionate about it… but that means I really do like all sorts from classic to metal. My consistent go tos are Folk, Blues, Alternative and Rock but I really do love ANYTHING.

Open invitation to send me all your favourite songs! Please! I adore music recs, all songs will be cuddled!

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

I love egg on toast.

39 & 98. Do you have any scars?

Yeah… Like I said, very accident prone. I have loads of scars! The ones worth an honourable mention are:

I have a solidly permanent (but thankfully pale) one on my forehead, multiple purple ones on my knees. I used to have a hell of a one on my foot from a 2nd degree steam burn (short… ridiculous story) but that is fading now. There’s a largish one on my leg from walking directly into a shard of glass and then two slash lines on the back of my forearm that look like I went up against a werewolf or something but are actually from falling into the oven as I tried not to drop a tray of Madeleines. I know right... badass…

52. Favorite food?

I am forever basic but I will go feral over Fish and Chips

53. Favorite foreign food?

Ohhh Indian probably – I love pretty much everything I’ve ever had in this style! Italian is a close second (anything with basil and tomato, I will turn equally feral over). I really love Persian style food too. The theme is... meat, spices, tomatoes flatbreads!

63. Biggest Fear?

Slugs. No, seriously. Terrifying…

66. Do you like long or short hair?

I have long hair (small of my back long) but I like either!

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

An introvert that often pretends to be an extrovert. Extraverted introvert?

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

Yes actually! I have an open water dive qualification. Yeah it went about as well as you’re imagining. So many accidents and chaotic situations occurred (memorably not figuring out buoyancy so while making the assent I suddenly ballooned like a puffer fish and shot up towards the surface… like an out of control blimp. Luckily I was in an abandoned quarry and not coming from somewhere deeper than 6m)

71. What makes you nervous?

Social Situations… and slugs.

84. What color is your hair?

I want to say something interesting like aubern but… brown. It’s brown.

I used to dye my hair (mainly red but other colours like purple and blue) but after going blond in lockdown everyone decided it would be best if I put down the bottle and walked away.

85. What color is your eyes?

Blue!

94. What are you strengths?

These last two are hard!

Okay – I’m going to try and own what I think are my strengths so here we go!

I am really patient, I have bucketloads of empathy for people and I’m extremely non-judgemental. I live by the words: Be curious and have compassion. And… don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. All experiences are valid and welcome. I LOVE hearing other people’s stories and experiences.

95. What are your weaknesses?

Why are weaknesses always easier…

I’m awful with confrontation – I crumble easily and get way to emotional. I’m a big fan of ignoring things until they go away which, let’s face it, is a really terrible strategy sometimes. I overthink EVERYTHING! I like to do things myself and therefore don’t ask for help. I’m stupidly stubborn! I can’t multitask! I overuse exclamation marks!

[its-moopoint]

lisalein-sails

Okay. I have to ask.

I‘m a bit out of the loop due to real life tragedies, but I‘m seeing so much talk about Sam skyping from *that* apartment. Many people seem to be confused or even surprised.

So, my question is, and maybe I‘m missing something, but: how is it surprising? How is it confusing?

We‘ve known for a while that he/they bought the apartment that was formerly rented by Starz for Caitriona to live in.

We‘ve known for a while that Sam now officially lives there. We‘ve known for a while that he/they got rid of some of the stuff that belonged to the previous owner (the cheetah statue 😄) and had some remodelling done (for example the bedroom wall).

We‘ve also known for a while that, even though he had the wall color changed, he sleeps in frilly, womanly bedding. He bought a very expensive apartment, got rid of stuff he didn’t like and removed the womanly wallpaper, but he didn’t have any money left/didn’t bother to get new, less frilly bedding? Sure.

What we’ve also known for a while is that he sleeps on the same side as the person who took the fist bump pic with Caitriona in that same bed in that same room and whose hand looks exactly like Sam‘s and nothing like the person she‘s publicly engaged to.

We‘ve known for a while that Caitriona’s cat Eddie, who scratches and bites men who cat sit her, is so comfortable with Sam that she happily curls up on his chest in the bed that‘s been her territory for years. Something she used to do with Simon in LA, the person Caitriona used to live with back then. And also that she stayed at that apartment while Caitriona was in London for less than 48 hours instead of staying in the „new“ flat that is only minutes away. (The flat she‘s posted from a couple of times and where she seems to work.)

We‘ve also known for a while that Sam has been spending his nights at that apartment for years (ever since the selfie of him watching football on the living room floor, sometime in 2016, I think? And lest we forget the fact that Caitriona knows what time he gets up in the morning to go to the gym). Way before he officially bought it. And let‘s not forget that he bought *that* one, even though there were several identical apartments for sale in the same neighborhood at the time.

So…I mean.

I’ve said it before: we have lots and lots of receipts. Some obvious, but from long ago (Sam and Caitriona on a trip to Paris in December 2013; Sam and Caitriona cuddling on set; Sam saying „I love you!“ to Caitriona and kissing her on the forehead at Paley or him saying that he „first“ met her parents when they visited the Outlander set). Others are more recent and subtle (like him tweeting about watching Scrooged on Christmas Eve 2016, while the only place on earth where that very movie was airing at the time was Ireland; or Caitriona admitting to their Ibiza vacation, or them being close to each other‘s friends). You can try to refute all or some of them (long shot, but there are always those who explain it all away or just ignore things that don‘t fit in their picture). And then there‘s THIS. „It‘s more than a receipt to me“, that‘s what I said a while ago and I stand by it.

To me, it‘s confirmation. Because you absolutely cannot explain it any other way.

People can call me delusional or crazy all they want, I don’t care, but I think they‘re lying to themselves if they choose to ignore this and don‘t even doubt the engagement story for a second. Listen, I don’t mean to offend anyone, we all have our own way to filter things, form an opinion and deal with the picture we see. Maybe it‘s easier for some people to just ignore it and *choose* to believe Sam and Caitriona aren‘t lying to us - ignorance is bliss, I know. But still. If you believe it, it‘s a conscious decision. A conscious decision to block out the largest, most important piece of this messed up puzzle.

=========================

No, this shipper doesn't have any receipts. She does spread a lot of hot air.

Rolando bought CB's apartment that Starz rented for her when she bought the apartment with T. SS lives in Rolando's apartment now.

The fist bump was CB & T for her WCC charity - not Rolando's.

Rolando cat baby sat for CB when she and T were in London for her marathon.

Rolando wasn't spending nights in her apartment.

The reason she knew what time he was waking up is because Starz built a gym for him on the set and that's where she was seeing him in the morning. This had nothing to do with him living at her apartment but came up in an interview when he said he was waking up at 3 and she contradicted him that it was more like 4/5.

SC were never together in Paris in Dec. 2013.

Rolando's "I love you" to her at Paley wasn't because they were f*cking. 

Rolando didn't meet her parents "first". The entire production did when they visited CB on set.

CB never said that she and Rolando were in Ibiza together, just made a joke about it that shippers turned up into their own story.

Kaboom.

Good job debunking anon.

The woman in the Paris pic with a mask is unknown. Just because they say it's C doesn't make her so.

Cat sitting Eddy was Rolando trolling cause: he had already bought the apartment, poor cat had lived there for years so no wonder she was comfortable and she was sick as confirmed by C. Also thanks to me getting mad in that FB shipper group we found out shippers did see C and T at the marathon, holding hands so no, there wasn't anyone on pet duty better than their cool friend Rolando living in their old place.

And yes how to forget all the footage that places Skeleton in that apartment now. But none here wants that speculation do they?

Fist bump has the exact same validity of thumb analysis now, zero. None. Do you know what's worth it? A marriage certificate registered at GRO.

[oldfashionedmorphine]

⭐ Directors Cut on curating your soundtrack for On The Same Frequency. How was the process for that and incorporating them into the story? What was the writing process like incorporating the songs? No pressure of course to answer this.🫂

hi hello!

this is an interesting question for sure…

i have to say it evolved a lot over the duration of writing.

but first, here is the playlist for anyone who hasn’t listened to it yet:

okay so…

very early on i decided i wanted to pick instrumental songs for this story over songs with lyrics…at least, i wanted the playlist to feel like it could be a soundtrack to a movie because the story is inspired by a movie…and initially i only had a few songs when i first started writing back in august (mostly songs from the big giant circles album there came an echo—which was because of the song outside the realm that plays during the “crazy together” scene, and i also had some from the stranger things OST too)

but in between writing i would spend some time looking up songs, usually starting with similar artists to the songs i already had and honestly i have to say it was kind of a rabbit hole situation with how i ended up with most of them—though sometimes i specifically looked something up, like “synth style christmas songs” which is how i found joy to the synthwave world and holiday nights and i also added a lot of the OST songs from the movie archive because i watched the movie in october and thought they fit well.

and after doing all that i ended up with a playlist that was close to 8 hours long and made up of 126 songs (the unofficial version)…but i wanted to narrow it down so it wasn’t so long (official playlist is like 53 songs and 3 hours)…..and my main reason for doing that was so that (if you’re someone like me) you could have it play in the background while reading to set the mood….

and i narrowed it down by simply reading through each finished chapter while listening to the songs to decide if they fit the vibes for the scenes (a rather time consuming process, haha)—oh and i even created separate chapter playlists while i was figuring this all out too (which outside the realm being a song for ch 4 shouldn’t be too surprising lol) because i took it a step further and tried to keep the duration/length of each chapter playlist to the average reading speed for the overall word count of each chapter (if that makes sense…like ch 6 being 10k words meant that i tried to add songs until the chapter playlist was somewhere around 30-40 mins long…….) of course, it doesn’t work for everyone because reading speeds are different, but each chapter playlist is timed for average reader speed (although i messed around with the songs for ch 5 after posting the fic and idk if that one still times well to average speed since i haven’t gone back and checked it, oh well) but uh……it was honestly a super ridiculous thing to try and do and most people don’t even listen to fic playlists (and especially while reading) but i had at least one person appreciate it (shout out to bre @magentamee) so that’s good enough for me!! 😅

oh and it also felt kinda obligatory to start the playlist off with the stranger things theme song…and after listening to several remixes of it, i found one that had an “end credits” sort of vibe and so that’s how i picked the final song :D

FUN FACT: the song “nightsky” by tracey chattaway was added sometime in september or october and i listened to it on repeat while writing so many times that it ended up being my top played song for the whole entire year according to my apple replay lol (it’s not my fault she put drugs in that song)

which songs did you enjoy the most? 👀 and please, feel free to send me another ask if you want! ;)

[webslingingslasher]

Sorry for leaving everyone hanging but bestie got covid so I’ve been asleep for days! Anyways here is some of my friend’s story (note there is so much more crazy in her life but I don’t have the energy to type it all out) :

Okay so background she came to our college from across the country and fell IN LOVE with this dude here. Eventually she decided our school wasn’t for her and that she outgrew it so she dropped out and moved home. After being together for less than a year she decided to move back here alone to be with him (even though he’s currently in DC for military deployment)

So she moved here in November and everything seemed good. When I went to see her (abt an hour away from our school) and she was planning her future. They had been talking about g about marriage and he wanted her to look at houses with him when he came back. I was worried about her because he actually cheated on her at one point be she let it slide even when we said don’t get back with him. But ya know she’s her own person.

He’s 23 so the age gap was fine and she’s always been “older for her age” which is from her life experiences being treated more like an adult.

So at this point she’s living alone in his apartment and gets a job where she makes some friends and such. Including mr 31 year old.

All of a sudden the day before Thanksgiving she breaks up with him without any of us knowing. Apparently she was taken by surprise when the guy was doing nice things for her and not expecting sex in return. (And now I’m learning more abt how abusive he was). But the guy became super close with her to the point that he was there while she broke up with him. I told her that he might expect more from her at some point and to watch out but she told me it was fine and it wasn’t like that.

So she breaks up with the guy she just moved across the country for and now needs to get out of his apartment. The guy actually went crazy and made threats and had her followed so I was worried. But she decided to stay in that town where she didn’t really know anyone else which I was confused by. So then she ends up at a new apartment and having a ton of dates and one night stands. Which is fine I told her she needs to be single for a bit because even before the guy she was with another guy and never was really single.

The next thing I know it’s after Christmas and she’s dating the 31 yr old and practically living at his place. I was just on the phone with her and instantly she said they were thinking abt getting married (LIKE SOON). Please note no one in her life outside of this little town has even met him. She moved fast with the other guy but this is even faster. She’s know the guy for less than 6 months and is talking about legally marring him. Because “it proves we are committed to each other and he’s what I want for my future.”

I have NO idea how to slow this down and I’m worried she’s clinging to him because of her issues with family and also the fact that he’s able to protect her from the ex that made death threats.

Anyways that’s the chaos I deal with. On the opposite side I don’t leave my dorm on the weekends and have reread fics longer than War and Peace and Crime and Punishment combined in a few days.

-🦝

this is how abuse happens. this is how is starts.

he's made her rely on him for saftey and housing, and he's rushing into tying her down legally. i feel for her, but if she won't listen, this is going to be a hard lesson and it'll suck being a 25 year old divorcee.

[amandak-to-mom-at-christmas]

2013

One of my many strange habits is that I collect quotes. I have multiple files saved on my computer, numerous notes on my phone, and more than one list saved on websites – all collections of quotes that, for some reason, spoke to me. Some are funny, some are by authors and writers I love, but all of them reflect some truth that I felt was worth holding onto.

One quote I have saved is from the book Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. I confess that I have never read the book (nor seen the subsequent movie) but I know that it is set with the terrorist attacks of September 11th as a backdrop and follows a young boy’s search for truth after the death of his father in those attacks. The quote that I have saved is this: “I hope that one day you will have the experience of doing something you do not understand for someone you love.”

When I first saved the quote, it was because I know something of the inexplicable, logic-less, crazy-looking, against-all-wisdom things that love makes a person do. When you love someone, you do things that might not make any sense to others, of course, but sometimes they don’t even make sense to you; you do them because something inside you, something called love, makes it simply impossible not to do them. I know that feeling. I know the frustration that comes when others don’t understand. And I know the wish for others to be in your shoes so that they might begin to understand. All of this is why I was initially drawn to Foer’s words.

As the holiday season drew closer and I knew Mom would be asking me for some of my own words for her Christmas cards, I was mulling over what I wanted to say, what was on my heart this year, and I thought of Foer’s quote again: “I hope that one day you will have the experience of doing something you do not understand for someone you love.” Though it may seem strange on the surface, the meaning of Christmas, to me, is simply that: doing something that doesn’t make any sense, something that defies all reason, out of love.

Imagine this: you live in paradise, in a world with no pain, no sadness, no darkness of soul or body or mind. There is no hate, no bitterness, no betrayal, no heartache, no loss. In this paradise, you are prince, you are King. The sun and moon and wind and sea and all of creation respond to your commands. You are loved, adored, crowned with beauty and power and glory. You trade this. You leave. You give it up. Knowing what you are giving up and what you are getting in return, you go live in a world that is full of pain, in a world where loss and sadness tear at the edges of even the happiest moments, in a world where there is constant strife. Every moment of every day in this world, you encounter hatred, you bump into ignorance, you feel the sting of rejection. The people of this world mock you and mock your love, ignore you and ignore your love. They are ungrateful and full of pride and entitlement. They are stubborn and unfeeling. They eventually kill you. To make a trade like this, to give up the perfection of paradise for the utter brokenness of this world, is beyond understanding. No rational person would make such a choice.

The beauty of Christmas – and of life – is that love is not rational. Reason would say to weigh the benefits and the risks and choose the path with the least risk. Reason would say it’s unwise to love someone who doesn’t love you. Reason would say only a fool continues to love when the object of that love openly rejects it. Love, however, speaks in different words. Love says the risk doesn’t matter, that the benefit, however small, is always worth it. Love says that it is not conditional, not based on being loved in return. Love says that it will continue to love as long as it has life and breath, no matter how it is received.  

During the Christmas season, what we are really celebrating is a love that is beyond understanding. Christ chose to do something – to come into our world in a dirty manger, to live in our world broken and rejected, to die in our world a criminal and a villain – that is beyond understanding. I wonder if even He understood it, understood what He was doing and why He was doing it. Perhaps He did. Or perhaps He did it because something inside Him, something called love, made it simply impossible not to do it. This Christmas, it is my hope and prayer that all of us would first know that we are loved, loved by a Creator who loved and loves us beyond all reason. In my heart, I believe we are never closer to God, never more like His Son, than when we love with true, unconditional, reckless and relentless love. So, like Foer’s words reflect, it is my hope that we will all, at some point, do something that we may not understand for someone we love and, in doing so, get the faintest of glimpses of that glorious love that came down, that love we honor at Christmastime.

[shitaboutloveisrandom]

17th September 2023

You’ve called me babe you’ve called me love you’ve called me so many things so many nicknames. You showed me that you loved me in so many ways and I didn’t see. Looking back I can see them. Now you’re different. Still sending some of these signs but i don’t know. I am different too. I am more distant. Got hurt too many times.

I am afraid of meeting you. Not because of you, because of what will be. Will it be perfect? Will it be good? Will it be weird? Will we hate each other? Maybe you won’t like me in real life. Even though you always assure me you will. I am just too afraid to lose you. I can’t do that again. I am crying right now as I am even thinking about it to happen. Fuck.

Wanted to meet you in November I was really looking forward to it even though I am scared as hell. Turns out: won’t happen. Why? Because life doesn’t let me. I fucking hate this world. Have to ask you if you’re okay with me visiting maybe in December, maybe around Christmas. You don’t celebrate Christmas I assume. I mean why would you. I hate Christmas with my family anyway, so why not visiting you? It’s perfect. Holiday of love. Would be perfect. Unless… you won’t like me. I don’t know. I have to ask you first. I hope you won’t be mad at me because I have to change plans. I promised you to come in November. Maybe you won’t be that mad when I tell you and book my plane tickets right away.

I’ve got so much love to give you but I can’t right now. I am too afraid to get hurt. You won’t hurt me on purpose, I know that. You’re a good person. But I don’t know. My anxiety is driving me crazy. I wish I could tell you all this, I mean I could I don’t think you won’t say anything negative. I think you would tell me to calm down and then you would say some nice things that will actually calm me down. But one hour later or something I find myself in this spiral of negative thoughts again. But I won’t find out what the result is, if i don’t let it happen, if I don’t meet you, finally. After 6 years, 3 years of loving you.

It all stresses me out so much, but at the same time it keeps me moving forward because there’s this little piece of hope in me that everything will get better once we meet.

You’re what keeps me alive, what makes me try my best everyday. Probably you would think I am exaggerating, I am not. Actually not. My illness makes me lose my hope and energy everyday. I can barely do anything without feeling exhausted on the spot. Because of you I still try my best, sometimes I even go to the gym again even tho I think I am close to dying because of my lack of energy.

No matter what, I hope everything will turn out fine.

I loved you, I love you and I will always love you my little monkey.